Do you have those days where everything feels like it is out of your control?
Like you are bobbing around while all these outside things “make” decisions for you?-
Like you aren’t in control of your life? As if life is just happening TO YOU?
I get it love, I’ve also been there and back again too many times to count. I can remember one day about 2 years ago in the car getting all welled up (while totally trying unsuccessfully to keep my cool) & I looked at my partner Darren & said “I just feel like I don’t have any control over my own life anymore”
That feeling really stung you know. It was a slap in the face, because I always thought of myself as this super independent, secure woman. Yet here I was flailing at 30 something without any control over the thing that should have truly been MINE.
If you’re currently going through that season – BREATHE.
I promise - It will change. I SEE you & I’m giving you all the virtual hugs for still moving forward even when you feel like that right now.
What I found since I really started working HARD on my mindset & self love journey is that surrender isn’t the same as allowing yourself to be without purpose.
What I mean by that, is that you can surrender to the external forces – stop trying to micro-manage, control, fix, blame, question your self worth & run around doing ALL THE THINGS…. While still having your true purpose in mind.
By having that confidence & determination in yourself, you can take what could be a negative situation & flip it to focus on the positives. Just because one thing goes ‘wrong’ doesn’t mean you are a failure. (Which trust me, in my past, that was pretty much my default setting! If any little thing went wrong I used to immediately play the game of “I’m not good enough”)
There have been countless lessons over my life on surrender, with some in particular that came to mind as I sat to write this blog post....
I remember staying at a friends holiday house for a few days away from home, for what was supposed to be a “working retreat” of sorts for me … the boys were away on a surfing-school-holidays trip. So I had my plan of work to get done, photos to shoot, blog posts to write, social media’ing to dive into, you know … just the casual list of *world domination* from my laptop
I was just finishing my morning journaling, when the power shut off. I waited a while. Ate my breakfast, made a lukewarm cup of coffee… still no power. A bit of digging later & I found out there was a planned outage ALL DAY. So no power, no wifi… none of the things I was relying on to smash my very comprehensive to-do list.
The cell phone reception was patchy at best, I would have had to stand on one foot in the corner of the lounge holding my breath just to get a strong enough cell phone connection to post an Insta Story.
I decided by midday THIS AIN’T GONNA WORK.
So I surrendered.
I got through as much “offline” work as possible…. While my laptop battery was still alive & kicking. I walked my doggies along the beach. I had a long shower & washed my hair (a big deal in my world! Hands up team once a week hair-washers!)
You know how I was able to not spiral into “negativity” land? My purpose in life is to seek out a constant state of happiness for myself. I’m here to be the happiest, most vibrant person I can be.
I realised some years ago that all that CONTROLLING and to-do-listing .... it doesn’t actually serve me.
When this happened, I was able to look at the situation & make a clear decision. How am I going to approach this? What can I learn from this?
So here’s my 3 tips to “surrender with power” and retain your vibrancy even during those challenging moments:
1. Focus on doing the little tasks you can. I didn’t throw the whole day out the window just because I couldn’t do the big projects that felt the most important/pressing/vital… I just re-wrote my list to prioritise the small, but important steps I COULD take to keep moving forward. I also took the time to be kind to myself, remind myself I am doing the best I can, & that I am still cute & wonderful & worthy.
2. Embrace the opportunity given to you. By accepting & surrendering, I was able to go for a long walk with my dogs instead. Giving them love & getting to spend a whole lot more time laughing at them, moving my body & getting fresh air. I know in that moment both my mind and body were a hell of a lot more sparkly because I embraced that opportunity!
3. Put yourself at the top of the list. I’m sure a lot of you reading this feel the same as I do, getting the luxury of a long shower is BLOODY AMAZING. Having one in the middle of the day … well that seems downright luxurious to me because I NEVER do that. You know what? I felt like I’d stepped out of the best kind of day spa … my self-care points were off the charts.
What you focus on expands – I’m on this planet to make a difference in millions of lives. I know you are here with big things you desire to bring to life too.
So without shame, guilt or internal discussions about “whether I am deserving enough” in that seemingly small moment I chose to focus on ME.
Because you cannot pour from an empty cup… and so on those days when things don't go according to expectations, you’ll find me filling up my own cup, nestled in a bean bag reading a good book & surrounded by the pleasant noise of happily snoring dogs.